COMMISSIONED BY GOD

Do you understand your primary role is to make disciples in your home?

DISCUSSION

Parenting can feel overwhelming 90% of the time. Whether you are up all night with a newborn or teething toddler or up late at night waiting on your teenager to come home from a date, parenting comes with sleepless nights, endless worries, and more questions than answers. Honestly, who entrusted us to raise these kids and thought we could somehow manage this task without any previous experience?! Well...God did.

I doubt that in the midst of the chaos from running kids from sports practice to homework, dinner and baths that we often stop to think about this calling God has placed on our lives. That’s right - this calling. Parenting is a calling from God on your life, however the children in your home came to find themselves there. And this calling is a privilege that comes with a great responsibility. Our responsibility doesn’t just lie in keeping our kids safe, fed, and educated, but in raising them to be disciples who follow Jesus in all areas of their lives.

When we realize that our role and responsibility as parents is to make disciples, it changes the way we see our children and interact with them. The frustrations we feel from kids not listening and obeying we realize now is because our children are either sinners not saved yet by grace through faith (see Ephesians 2:8-9) or young believers who haven’t learned yet what it means to submit their will and follow instruction. These become opportunities for discipleship when framed through this lens. The author of The Gospel and Parenting puts it this way, “The approach you take toward discipling your children is negotiable; the practice itself is not (Moore 31).” We admit that we are all being discipled by something and even more so for our children with their access at even younger ages to social media. We must make the discipling of our children our highest priority. Pastor Wil has said on several different occasions that we cannot be making disciples outside of our home and forsake the disciples in our home God has given us. The definition of a disciple that we use comes from Matthew 4:19 and is someone who follows Jesus (head), is being formed by Jesus (heart), and fishes for Jesus (hands). Family discipleship then is teaching someone how to follow Jesus, be formed by Jesus, and fish for Jesus right within our homes and within the rhythms of our families.

The call to make disciples in your home can only be done by you. God has given you the role as parent and chief disciple-maker in your home. It is a task that you are called to do and that God has equipped you uniquely to do in the life of your child. Though this job is yours, you are not alone, as the whole church longs to come alongside you and support you as you navigate this important responsibility.

Family Discipleship reminds us “The role you hold, ‘parent,’ is one commissioned by God himself...This is your purpose in your home: making eternal deposits in your children. Your faith is more influential than you think (Chandler 24).” We all know the old saying that more is caught than taught. Your children watch your example closely and are paying attention to the things you say and do.This means your own walk with Christ must come first as you seek to know Him more and more. Then, your actions and teachings must be intentional within your home. Discipleship, therefore, cannot be something we think will happen by accident within our homes but must be thought out and requires intentionality. The same way we work with our children on self-control, manners, or homework is the same thought process behind discipleship.

Charles Spurgeon says, “We want deeply a revival of domestic religion...The Christian family was the bulwark of godliness in the days of the Puritans, but in these evil times hundreds of families of so-called Christians have no family worship...and no wholesome instruction or discipline...How can we hope to see the kingdom of our Lord advance when his own disciples do not teach the gospel to their own sons and daughters?”

While parenting can come with its ups and downs, children really are a heritage from the Lord (Ps. 127:3). A gift that we have a privilege to steward for the Kingdom of God. The Gospel and Parenting reminds us that the gospel “calls us to seek a purpose for our children that is so much larger than this life...What this means practically is that we should view our children in light of a larger purpose. We should see them as potential bearers of the gospel to generations yet unborn. In God’s good design, our children will most likely raise children who will in turn beget more children. How we mold our children’s souls while they reside in our households will shape the lives of children who have yet to draw their first gasp of air (Ps. 78:6-7). That’s why our primary purpose for our children must not be anything so small and miserable as temporary success (Moore 33).”

If our children are a heritage from the Lord, that means they belong to Him. We have to trust Him for the work He will do in their lives and the path He will take them on to accomplish it. While we may want temporary success or accolades, for our children to be well loved and obedient, or for them to be safe and secure, God’s Kingdom calls those who want to be first to be last (Mt. 20:16), for us to be willing to go without (Mt. 8:20), and for us to pick up our cross and follow Him (Mt.16:24-26). We must not shy away from teaching our children the entirety of the gospel and the cost of following Christ where He leads. We can look at The Great Commandment (Deuteronomy 6) and the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19) to see what we should be teaching our children and the importance of it.

At the same time, you may have children in your home who have not yet trusted Christ or who have turned away from Christ. Don’t forsake the importance of praying for them and for living out the gospel in front of them. Be willing to enter into tough conversations and be present with them as they face difficulties and hardships.

We are praying for you and for the wisdom only God can provide as you seek to disciple the next generation in your home.

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. In what way does your view of discipleship being one more thing to being the main thing in your home change your perspective?

2. Are there ways you have put the responsibility of discipleship off on the church or a leader in your child's life? How does that need to change?

3. How do you currently disciple your children in your home? Are there regular touchpoints you have to discuss the gospel or teach them scriptures?

NEXT STEPS

Pray for one another before you leave, that your view of discipleship would change as you understand the calling you have been given to disciple those within your home. If your children have left your home, pray for ways to continue to speak truth into their lives and point them to Jesus. If you have children who aren’t walking with the Lord, pray for their hearts to be receptive to the gospel and for wisdom as you love them and speak truth to them. This week, ask your children how you can pray for them.

FOR KIDS IN THE HOME

Around the table this week, or at another touchpoint you have with them, ask your children how they saw God today. Maybe share some examples from your own day to get them talking/thinking.

This week, also set up a time to have a Family Devotional. Read the creation story in Genesis 1 and 2 together as a family and allow your children to ask questions. Have your older children read the passages aloud if possible. Explain to them how God created everything, including us. Ask the kids to mention some of the things that God created in these verses. Ask them if there is anything new they learned about.

If you want to continue this, I would encourage you to walk through Genesis 3 as well. You can highlight how Adam and Eve’s sin separated Adam and Eve from God and how that sin is what we inherit today that separates us from God. But Genesis 3:15 tells us that God would make a way through Jesus. Satan would strike Jesus, but ultimately Jesus would crush Satan by His death on the cross and His burial and resurrection. Share the gospel with your children! Be patient as they ask questions and pray for the Lord to do His work through the Holy Spirit in their lives. You don’t have to have all the answers, just continue to point them to Jesus and His Word.

MAKING SENSE OF THE MESS

Understanding how generational sin affects your household

REFLECT AND SHARE

Last week we encouraged you to set aside some time for a family devotional and to create a touchpoint where you asked your children how they saw God at work. Can you share if you were able to work in this dynamic with your family this week and how it went? Were there any takeaways you can share to encourage others?

DISCUSSION

We’ve all heard it at some point. Words that come out of our mouths and as we are saying them, we immediately think, “Oh no! I sound just like my mom!” Or perhaps you’ve found yourself as a parent thinking, “I’ll never do what my parents did,” only to find that you are, in fact, turning into your parents. The Progressive Insurance Company has done a great job of visualizing this for us as Dr. Rick helps young people not turn into their parents. Progressive calls it “parentamorphis,” and it's a condition where you turn into your parents when buying your first home. On the contrary, sometimes we work so hard to be the opposite of our parents that we make choices we might never have thought of in order to not end up like them. So, while we may joke around about things, we really are affected by our parents and those before us.

We were reminded today that family in the Old Testament didn’t just refer to those in your household, but the entire extended family going back to the third and fourth generation. We also know that “since mankind’s fall into sin, family has become a broken version of what God intended (Chandler 42).” This means that ALL of our families are a broken version of what God desired when He established the family. In Genesis 3, we read the story about Adam and Eve disobeying God and rebelling against Him. As a result of their transgression, Adam and Eve placed themselves under a curse that not only impacted their immediate family, but all of the families that have come after them. In his sermon, Pastor Wil showed us the distinction we see in Scripture between sins, transgressions, and iniquities.

• Sin means to miss the mark or to fall short of the standard that God has called us to (Romans 3:23).

• Transgression means to trespass, to overstep, or to cross a pre-established boundary (Isaiah 43:25). In light of this definition, that means we can transgress both against God and others.

• The word iniquity means to internally distort, turn, bend, or twist the heart over time towards a particular pattern of sin; the word also includes the results or consequences of sin.

When sins are not dealt with they can become iniquities that are passed down through the bloodline to the next generation. In other words, our children could have the same weaknesses or predispositions toward the same kind of sin or temptation if not biblically addressed (Psalm 51:5, Psalm 38:4, Jeremiah 14:20, Lamentations 5:7, Exodus 20:3-6, 34:6-9). These sins could be those done by us, to us, or those done around us. These can be sins of commission (to do what you are not supposed to do such as addiction, anger, alcoholism, lust, racism, gossip, adultery, criticizing, complaining, etc) or omission (to not do what you are supposed to do such as passivity, laziness, unforgiveness, isolation, procrastination, avoiding conflict, denying justice, etc). Sins of commission usually have consequences right away while consequences of sins of omission usually show up decades later. If not biblically addressed each generation can continue to add onto the iniquity and feel the corruption of the sins before them. Exodus 20:3-6 reminds us that we don’t just teach our children how to live, we teach them what to live for. What “gods” we worship will be passed down to our children as well as the false gospels we preach. As parents, as we think about discipleship, in order to disciple the future generations in our home, we must first think about and deal with our past.

Pastor Wil explained how we see this in scripture with examples such as Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, who showed us how blessings and curses can be generational. He also showed us David, Solomon, and Rehoboam, who had blessings but also struggled with spiritual and moral compromise in their family line. He also looked at Herod the Great, Herod Antipas, Herod Agrippa 1, and Herod Agrippa 2, who were all exposed to the gospel but continually hardened their hearts and rejected it, and by the fourth generation, their family line was no more.

Now, as encouraging as I’m sure you’ve found this lesson to be so far, the good news is that there really is hope for our families and for generational sins and iniquities, no matter how long you or your family have struggled. When you think about the sin patterns that you can probably identify in your family or home, remember this - Jesus died for those sins. In fact, Isaiah 53:4-6 and 10-20 remind us that he didn’t just bear our sins on the cross but was “pierced for our transgressions” and he “bore our iniquities.” Jesus died so that we might have redemption from our past! At the cross, love and mercy collided with His wrath and justice! Exodus 20:5-6 and Exodus 34:6-8 also reminds us that God is merciful, and while our sins may visit the third and fourth generation, His steadfast love lasts thousands of generations! God is faithful when we are not, and this passage reminds us of Romans 5:20 where we see that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. This is why we are reminded by Jesus again and again to love Him and hold fast to Him more than to our families (Mark 3:31-35, Mt. 4:21-22, Mt. 10:37-39). Our family trees don’t define us, only the tree (the cross) that bore our Savior can.

Also, He didn’t leave us alone to deal with the mess of sin. God placed us in community, in His Church, in the family of God. And God’s family calls us to be open and honest about our struggles so we can be reminded of the hope we have and can grow together to understand the power the gospel has to change our families. We are praying you can be open and honest in your group discussion today about what the Lord has revealed to you through His Word today.

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. This week is heavy for sure, but it’s not without the hope of the gospel. Discuss your biggest takeaways from this week but take some time to pray for one another and for the truth of the gospel to enter into those wounded places.

2. Do you understand the differences between sin, transgressions, and iniquities? Why is it important that God specifically mentions in Isaiah 53 Christ dealing with sin, transgressions, and iniquity through His finished work on the cross?

3. Share if you feel comfortable or work through this question personally later on this week: Think through these two questions to reveal the sins from your families of origin. To reveal sins of commission ask, as you think about your family of origin, what did you get that you did not need? To reveal sins of omission ask, as you think about your family of origin, what did you need from them that you didn’t get? Ask God for forgiveness on behalf of the iniquities of those before you, as well as your own.

4. How does the hope of God’s love to a thousand generations (Ex.20:5-6) speak to your heart in light of the brokenness of our families? How does the healing and hope the gospel gives fill you with encouragement to parent?

5. Repentance on our part allows God to work in us and change our sinful hearts. Personally reflect and pray if there are things to confess, changes to be made, or accountability to be put into place. For counseling resources, please let your groups know about highpointonline.com/care.

FOR THE KIDS IN THE HOME

Continue to ask your kids how they saw God today. Maybe share some examples from your own day to get them talking/thinking. Ask them if they have any prayer requests and then pray together as a family. You can also ask them their high and low points for the day and use those points as a way to speak God’s truth into those situations.

For older kids, you can show them the difference between sins, transgressions, and iniquities. Show them the hope of the gospel in Isaiah 53 and how God deals with all of these things! This can be an easy way to share the gospel with them.

If you find yourselves in moments this week where it is appropriate to, be sensitive to how you can practice repentance and confession in front of your kids as examples of redemption and grace that point to the gospel.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

We want you to know that there are a ton of resources online at highpointonline.com/resources for you and your family. We also know that for many of you dealing with past family history can be difficult and can stir up a lot of emotions. If you feel you need to take an extra step, please visit highpointonline.com/care for all of our counseling resources. DNA is also taking a closer look at how our past affects our present, so if you want to register for next semester, you can do that by texting DNA2022 to 97000.

MODELING AND MOMENTS

You model what you love, and it overflows into the moments of your life.

REFLECT AND SHARE

Last week, we encouraged you to ask your kids ways they saw God at work throughout their week. Were you able to do this, and if so, how did it go? If not, what kept you from making this a priority? We also encourage you to discuss sins, transgressions, and iniquities with your kids. If you were able to do this, what were your takeaways from this conversation?

DISCUSSION

In week one of this series, we changed our mindset of discipleship. Last week, we encouraged you to look at the mess in order to be able to focus on the future. Allowing the Lord to speak into the past trauma means we can move forward in the freedom of the gospel as we seek to disciple our kids. This week, we are introducing the idea of the makeup of discipleship - four foundational areas of discipling your kids - Modeling, Moments, Minutes, and Milestones. These are taken from Deuteronomy 6:4-15, 20-22 and Joshua 4:21-24. We will look at the passage in Joshua next week. Modeling and moments, which we will discuss this week, are more spontaneous, and next week, we will take a deeper look at minutes and milestones, which are more structured.

Just like we must be intentional in dealing with our past, we must also be intentional in our own walk with Christ. This is where modeling comes in. The definition Pastor Wil mentioned this week for modeling is serving as a godly example for your family, living out your genuine walk with God, and demonstrating true repentance where and when you fall short. Charles Spurgeon once said, “Train up a child in the way he should go—but be sure you go that way yourself.” We must be setting an example for our children to follow in our own relationship with the Lord. Our children need to see us seeking our Savior daily, spending time in His Word, gathering with the body of believers regularly, repenting when we fall short, and surrendering to His will for our lives. The most important thing for the spiritual health of your family is your own spiritual health. Your life is the curriculum your children are learning from. Reflect on 1 Corinthians 11:1. Pause and evaluate your own walk with the Lord. Are you seeking Him, spending time with Him, and surrendering to Him? Are you following Christ, being formed by Christ, and are fishing for Christ? If not, how can you begin to do that so that those in your family see you living out what you believe in all areas of your life? Are there people in this group that need to hold you accountable in areas of your life so that you can live out what you believe?

Your kids don’t just watch your actions, they watch your affections. Another way to think of this is that you model what you love. If you love sports, your children will most likely inherit your love for your favorite team. If you love movies, your child will appreciate cinematography and storytelling from a young age. If you love money, your child will know the value of a dollar early on. If you love yourself, your child will be able to tell in the way you speak about yourself or view yourself and others. But if you love God, everything you do will flow from there. This is why Jesus calls this the greatest commandment (Mt. 22:36-40). God calls us to love His whole person with our whole person in Deuteronomy 6:4-9. We don’t just teach our children how to live, we teach them what to live for. Ask your children this week what they think you love or what they think is most important to you. The answers may surprise you or reveal something that maybe you didn’t see before.

As you are walking with Christ and modeling His love, grace, and forgiveness in your home, ask the Lord to help you make the most of every moment. This means in the normal, everyday moments of life, you can take the opportunity to teach about the gospel or have conversations that allow for teachable moments. Pastor Wil defined moments as capturing and leveraging opportunities in the course of everyday life for the purpose of gospel-centered conversations. Discipleship within the home doesn’t have to be overwhelming, and it will look different in different seasons and stages of life. Deuteronomy 6:4-7 encourages us to demonstrate and talk about the things of God in normal moments. Verses 20-21 also tell us to declare the things of God. Think about a typical day in your home - are there times where you gather regularly for meals, when you go on walks together or play outside, when you ride in the car on the way to or from school, or when you say goodnight to your kids? It could even be in moments of discipline that you are able to explain about sin, consequences, grace, and forgiveness. These touchpoints can all be opportunities for discipleship, time where you can share about the Lord and be intentional to bring the truth of the gospel into conversations. For younger kids, this could be going on a walk and asking them to point out all the things God created, then later sharing a verse from Genesis where God made all things. You could even sing a song or pray and thank God for all the things He’s created, including your child! Matt Chandler, from the Family Discipleship book, mentions that they built a fort with their kids then all climbed inside and taught their kids how God is a strong tower. I know when I was teaching my daughter that prayer is talking to God, she was a little shy about praying out loud. But she loves to sing and make up rhymes so we told her to sing her prayers to God. For a week or so, she sang her prayers every night until she felt comfortable praying out loud. Think of the things your kids love or are interested in and use those to teach them about God’s love for them.

The Family Discipleship book also reminds us that in order to model for our children, we must have reliable integrity and relational proximity. Reliable integrity means that we are trustworthy and authentic. This means the things we want to see formed in our children are things that are taking place in our own lives. In other words, we don’t pray for our children to be patient without seeing a spirit of patience formed in our hearts first. We don’t pray for Christ to make our children obedient without obeying our Heavenly Father in all things. We may not see our children become people who repent and ask for forgiveness when they wrong others without modeling this in our own lives first. Modeling also requires us to have relational proximity. This is more than just being present; it’s also being an active participant in their lives, whether or not they seem like they want it. Give your children your full attention when you are with them and know what is going on in their lives. This is incarnational listening, and through this, we can know what part of the gospel they need to be reminded of. Tedd Tripp says, “the finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another. Your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your children understand you. Many parents never learn these skills. They never discover how to help their children articulate their own thoughts and feelings.” Proverbs 20:5 says, - “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” What are some practical ways you can do that this week?

Relational proximity also means that you can share your own shortcomings as a means of showing them the grace and love of Christ. Allow them to see you ask for forgiveness and grace when you sin as a means to model Christ’s love toward us. Let them see that you are human and also in need of God’s grace. This may help them to see that they need God’s grace in their own lives. Howard Hendricks says, “One of the most beautiful things a parent can say to a child is, ‘Son, I may make a mistake, but I want you to know I’m going to do the best that I possibly know how. And if I blow it, you’ll be the first to know.’ This is the sign of an honest parent. And an honest parent develops an honest child.”

Paul Tripp said, “Every conversation is an opportunity... You should look every day for every opportunity to point your needy kids to the presence, promises, power and grace of Jesus.” There are moments where the gospel can be clearly communicated, but there are also ordinary moments of prayer, doubt, and discipline, where we can point our kids to Christ. Do your children see you pray for things? Do they know that in moments of doubt, you can be trusted and a safe place for them to come? In the moments of discipline, do you focus more on their heart (motive) than their hands (behavior) (Eph. 6:4)? God has entrusted you with authority over your kids. Look for moments where you can point them to Jesus as you yourself are following Him.

Remember that your children are a part of your faith legacy. Psalm 78:4 reminds us to tell the next generation of the glorious deeds of the Lord! You are helping write the truths of the gospel on their hearts and minds. This is a big task that you can’t do alone! Remember Colossians 4:5-6 and 1 Peter 3:15. You can only be ready to give an answer by spending time with the Lord. You, as the parent, must be spending time in God’s word and in prayer so those things can flow out of your life. Remember, you become what you love. What are your eyes fixed on? You also talk about what you love. Watch the way you live so you can model the love of Christ and then make the most of every moment you have. Just as your kids look at you, fix your eyes on the Heavenly Father. As a parent, you are a child first and a parent second. The way you model and the way you make the most of the moments is by fixing your eyes on Jesus. Your identity is not found how good of a parent you are but how good of a parent God is to you.

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If you are honest, how is your own walk with the Lord? Are you spending time with Him so you can pour out what you are learning?

2. Do you have a regular devotional that you do that you enjoy that you could share with the group? Are there other things you do to grow personally in your walk with the Lord that you could share to encourage others?

3. Pastor Wil shared this quote from Timothy Paul Jones, “What does it profit your child to gain an academic scholarship and yet never experience consistent prayer and devotional times with his parents? What will it profit my child to succeed in a sport and yet never know the rhythms of a home centered on Christ? What will it profit the children all around us in our churches if they are accepted into the finest colleges and yet never leverage their lives for the sake of proclaiming the gospel to the nations? I would rather have you on the other side of the world seeking God’s glory than in a house next door to me seeking your glory, and I would rather have you in a grave in God’s will than in a mansion resisting God’s will.” How does this quote help reframe your perspective on parenting as you seek to be a gospel-centered disciple who raises gospel-centered disciples?

4. What regular rhythms can you identify in your daily routine that could be touchpoints for discipleship?

5. Think of moments from this past week. Were there scenarios where you could have brought the gospel into the conversation that were missed? How can you be more mindful of these moments this week?

6. Ask your children this week what they think you love or what they think is most important to you. The answers may surprise you or reveal something that maybe you didn’t see before.

FOR THE KIDS IN THE HOME

Be sensitive to the conversations you can have this week with your kids. Are there ways you can be more mindful of what you are modeling for them and are there moments where you can show them or tell them about the gospel?

Pastor Wil suggested memorizing verses to share with your children. For example, if your child struggles with anxiety, you can memorize verses about peace and trusting God with our worries. Then when your children are struggling, you can quote these verses and teach them to memorize them too!

Another thought is to teach your kids the One Another Verses found in scripture. These are listed below. Look them up and share them with your kids in moments that could be teachable this week.

• John 13:34 - love one another

• Romans 15:7 - welcome one another

• Galatians 6:1 - restore one another

• Ephesians 4:32 - be kind to one another; forgive one another

• 1 Thessalonians 5:15 - do good to one another

• Hebrews 10:24 - stir one another up to love and good works

• 1 John 4:7 - love one another

• Romans 12:10 - honor one another

• Galatians 5:26 - serve one another

• Colossians 3:9 - do not lie to one another

• 1 Thessalonians 5:11 - encourage one another; build one another up

• 1 Peter 4:9 - show hospitality to one another

• James 4:11 - do not speak evil against one another

For younger kids, we recommend a coloring book called The Garden, The Curtain, and The Cross by Carl Laferton. You can purchase that book from Amazon here or another retailer of your choice. These coloring sheets could be a fun activity to do together and a great way to have conversations around the gospel. We also recommend these Kids Read Truth Advent Cards as great resources during the Christmas season.

MINUTES AND MILESTONES

How can you make the most of the minutes you have?

REFLECT AND SHARE

Are you still incorporating family devotional times into your weekly routine? If so, how is this going? Were you able to incorporate the one anothers or teach your children other Bible verses this week? Share how incorporating these changes and being intentional has changed your family’s routine or dynamic.

DISCUSSION

Last week we talked about making the most of spontaneous times with your children to share the gospel. This week, we are looking at the structured times to intentionally teach your children about the gospel. In Deuteronomy 6:20-21, which we looked at last week, we remember that we don’t do these things to earn God’s love but because of who God is and what He’s done for us.

This week, we will look at two structured times, minutes and moments. The book Family Discipleship defines minutes as “Creating intentional time built into the rhythm of the family’s life for the purpose of thinking about, talking about, and living out the gospel” (Chandler, 70). These would be designated times that are consistent. In
2 Timothy 1:5-7, we see Paul encouraging Timothy to remember the faith that lived in his grandmother and mother and now lives in him. In Acts 16:1, we learn that Timothy’s father was a non-believer. Timothy did not come from a perfect family. Further down in 2 Timothy 3:14, Paul encourages Timothy to continue in what he has learned, knowing who he has learned it from (his mother and grandmother) and that he has been taught those things since childhood. In this verse we see Timothy had a learning stage (he was taught) and then a believing (convincing) stage. If we don’t take our children through the first step then we can’t take them through the second step.They can’t just learn, at some point they have to be convinced of (believe) it on their own. We are accountable as parents for the first stage, but at some point, children have to make their faith their own.

In Mark 4:1-20 and 1 Corinthians 3:6-8, we learn about the soil and the seeds. When you put these passages together, we see that as parents, we have no power over the ground of their heart or the growth of the seeds when it comes to our children. Our job is to generously scatter the seeds of the gospel on their hearts and to water them as we teach them the gospel. In Ephesians 6:4, we are told to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In Deuteronomy 6:4-15, we are told to teach our children - to sharpen them. When we teach our kids, we sharpen them. In Psalm 127, we see that our children are arrows that we are sharpening to send out into the world. They are not trophies to be displayed, they are arrows to be shot into the world as they belong to God - doing His will, not yours.

This means we must plan specific times to teach and sharpen our kids. You can do this easily by opening up the Word of God with your children, teaching them to pray to God, and having discussions about God. This can be done by incorporating times of prayer and a day of sabbath (rest) into your weekly routine and sharing with your kids what the Lord is teaching you in your daily devotional times. You can also teach them concepts instead of content. For instance, teach them about God’s love and sovereignty as much as you show them verses about it. This also helps in teaching your kids instead of telling them. In Proverbs 22:6, the Hebrew word for “in the way” gives us the picture of the bend of a bow. The way you cut that bow out of the wood is different depending on the bend of the bow. Just like this, every child is different, so the way we teach them is different depending upon their bend. We tell our kids a lot of things, but teaching comes in their ability to tell us they understand and can explain back to us what we have said. Family Discipleship reminds us, “You don’t want them to just remember the true things you say; you want to find a way to lead them to a point where a true conclusion comes out of their own mouths without you having to put it there. Your goal is not just to feed them from the word of God, but to teach them how to feed themselves. You are training them to not need you, but to recognize how they will always desperately need God (Chandler 99).” As they grow, our kids need to go from dependence on their parents to their dependence on their Heavenly Father. In Luke 2:50-52, we see how Jesus grew intellectually, physically, spiritually, and relationally and we must help our kids do the same.

You might wonder how to even do this with the busyness of life that already exists. Or you might think that you feel ill-equipped or that it will be weird if you step into this. Perhaps you don't see the church as partnering with you for discipleship but that Clubhouse, KidCity, or CREW is sufficient for your child's spiritual growth. But the truth is that if we don’t disciple our kids, they will be discipled by something - music, social media, influencers, etc. It is crucial we teach and train our children in the Word. I was convicted the other day that if my children can learn the 50 Nifty United States they can certainly remember a passage of scripture. As a parent, I need to be intentional about helping incorporate these things into their minds and hearts. We teach so they can firmly believe in the power of the gospel. “You cannot force your kids to become believers, but in your hopes that they would be, you can make family discipleship a nonnegotiable. (Chandler, 73).” Our highest goal should be to help our children become disciples of Jesus before they leave their home - people who follow Jesus, are being formed by Jesus, and fish for Jesus. We aren’t just raising up children, we are raising up the next generation of believers - our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is a God-ordained task, and we can’t leave anything to chance or think it will just happen. We must be intentional.

Another area of discipleship that is more structured comes in the form of milestones.The book Family Discipleship defines milestones as “marking and making occasions to celebrate and commemorate significant spiritual milestones of God’s work in the life of the family and child (Chandler 135).” Think about your child taking their first steps. I’m sure you remember every detail. You may have even caught it on camera. What was your reaction? Do you remember the joy you felt in those first few moments as your child took their first steps toward independence and growing? I remember feeling so excited then calling and sharing the news with everyone I knew! First steps are an important milestone in the life of a child. Pediatricians have a checklist of milestones that babies and children should be making. These are important because they make sure a child is on track for their age and development. They might look for a baby's ability to hold its head up or roll over, for a child to know certain words or their ability to hop on one foot, and for a teenager's ability to tell fact from fiction or make educated guesses. In other words, milestones matter because they mark development.

Milestones matter because they also help us remember. If you think back to the moments in your child's life where something big has happened that has caused reason for celebration, I’m sure you remember every detail. Just like their first steps cause reason for celebration, so does their first recital, being accepted to a team or club, or passing a difficult class. Why do we celebrate these things, and why do parents love to retell these stories as kids get older? Because they matter in helping our children feel confident or discovering what they like and don’t like as far as talents and abilities go. They are often super funny, too! In Joshua 4, the Lord commands Joshua to tell the people of Israel to set up memorial stones so that “then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever (vs. 22-24).” These memorial stones would help everyone to remember the work that the Lord had accomplished in their lives and bear witness to His glory and faithfulness. In scripture ,we see these examples of other milestones - the rainbow, altars, festivals and Holy Days, the jar of manna, an ebenezer, the Last Supper, and baptism.

How do we set milestones in the lives of our children to remember God’s faithfulness? A few milestones that we celebrate here at Highpoint would be family dedication (this is not infant baptism, but a time where parents dedicate to bringing their children up in church and have the support of the church as they do this), salvation, baptism, first time participating in the Lord’s Supper, discovering their spiritual gifts, joining the church, first missions trip, and serving. These are common among all churches, although some may celebrate more or celebrate them differently from us. But all of these things mark moments where your children are taking steps on their spiritual journey and should be celebrated as a family. If you haven’t celebrated these before, it’s not too late to start now.

Some milestones can also be found in ordinary moments. Perhaps it’s passing on an heirloom that has family or spiritual significance. Maybe you have rituals or traditions surrounding holidays that your kids will pass on to their children such as reading the story of Jesus’ birth on Christmas Eve, making a birthday cake for Jesus, or opening resurrection eggs on Easter. There are also moments where we can give our children responsibility as a milestone like getting a driver's license or getting their first job. These moments communicate accountability and trust along with growing independence and are opportunities to remind our kids of God’s faithfulness and plan in these moments. By teaching truths alongside these important milestones, we help mark these events in the lives of our children.

Think of the ways you can celebrate milestones in the ordinary and in the extraordinary moments of life. We don’t want to just celebrate the milestones of life to celebrate but to mark those times with a spiritual purpose. Why do we do this? Because we forget the faithfulness of God. In 2 Timothy 3:14-15 and Deuteronomy 6:20-23, we see that you give children the Word of God to point them to the work of God. The exodus was the Israelites’ version of a gospel redemption story. God wanted them to remember the power of the gospel to live out Deuteronomy 6:4-9. As believers, we have been given a greater gospel story of redemption through the cross and we need to remember it everyday! The gospel must be our motivation, because when we are motivated by love, we experience grace. We must be reminded of it every day so that we can remind our kids of it daily. Chap Bettis said, “Surprisingly, for something so important, the gospel can be easily blurred, assumed, or forgotten. As believing parents, we often assume our children understand and are being taught the gospel. And so, we wrongly think we can concentrate on other things in their development. In fact, though, the gospel is being assumed. When this happens, we are on dangerous ground.” Also, Dr. D.A. Carson said “When we assume the gospel, we are one generation away from denying it.” We must make the gospel clear as the Word of God points to the work of God.

Over the past four weeks, we’ve looked at the framework for family discipleship through the idea of model, moments, minutes, and milestones. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed by all of this. We can feel the weight of discipleship but we don’t carry the burden. You can’t force your children to believe in Jesus. We also can’t disciple on our own or in our own strength. As Family Pastor Drew McCalla said, “Jesus is the redeemer; you are his representative.” God is the perfect parent. We need to fully believe the gospel in our parenting, becoming convinced, and allow Him to work in us so we can pour that out into our kids. Pastor Wil has also described the process for discipleship as “We believe that faithfully and generously scattering, planting, and watering gospel seeds falls on us (Ezekiel 3:16-21, Romans 10:9-17, 1 Cor. 1:18, 3:5-9), but ultimately the ground and growth fall on God (Matthew 13:1-23, John 3:16-17, Ephesians 2:8-9, Titus 3:4-7, 1 Cor. 3:5-9). In the parable of the sower, the ground and growth fall on God.” Be encouraged that God has called you and equipped you as you disciple your children. Enjoy it and trust God to do the work as you are faithful with the time you have.

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If you look at your schedule, what does your calendar say is the priority for your family?

2. How can you make the most of the time you have with your kids?

3. In the past, have you been intentional in the discipleship of your children or have you just

   left it to happen or put that responsibility on the church or others who invest in your kids?

4. Growing up, did your parents or guardians celebrate milestones within your home and if

   so, which ones do you remember?

5. How do you celebrate the ordinary and extraordinary moments within your home?

6. Why does God call us to celebrate and remember?

7. How does viewing your children as part of your faith legacy or as your brothers and

   sisters in Christ change the importance of being intentional in your discipleship with them?

FOR KIDS IN THE HOME

Here is a resource to help you plan intentional family discipleship time within your home. Here are some ideas to go along with that worksheet. The following are taken from Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin’s Family Discipleship book (pages 81-82).

Daily Family Discipleship Time Ideas

• Family Meals. Plan certain meals that you can share and even cook and clean up together. Pray together and guide the mealtime conversation toward the gospel and Scripture. You could even add a reading/memorization or family devotional to breakfast or dinner.

• Family Prayer. At some point in the day—first thing in the morning, last thing at night, or on your drive to or from work/school—pray together.

• Bedtime Routine. If you have younger children, gather them together before bedtime to read a Bible story. Choose a verse to pray over or with your children as you say goodnight.

• Family Commute. As you drive the kids to school or activities, leverage your time in the car to sing together, pray together, or talk about how your family would like to see the gospel lived out today.

Weekly Family Discipleship Time Ideas

• Family Night. Plan a night that involves family, food, fun, and your faith.

  • Movie Night. Use these as jumping-off points for a conversation about the gospel.

  • Game Night.

  • Restaurant Night.

• Worship Service

• Family Bible Study

• Community

• Weekly Family Traditions

Monthly Family Discipleship Time Ideas

• Serve

• One on One time

• Neighborhood party

Here is a resource to help you celebrate milestones within your family. There are additional ideas on this resource. Another idea is to help your children memorize scripture, such as the Lord’s Prayer (Mt. 6:9-13). You can break this down verse by verse and help them memorize it a bit at a time. Another great resource is Tiny Theologians. This website has tons of fun ways to incorporate God’s truth into your homes and conversations. They even had cards on the Lord’s Prayer! Pastor Wil also mentioned the book Long Story Short by Marty Machowski. For older kids, you can use the sermon discussion questions. Pastor Wil also mentioned joining a small group. You can find a group at highpointonline.com/adults. He also mentioned the New City catechism. Specific resources we recommend from this website can be found at highpointonline.com/resources.